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One who has a divorce in
his/her hands must end it as quickly as possible and go on with
his/her life.
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People in a divorce have a
tendency to act irrationally, and a therapist has said that anger
and pain can drive a person to do illogical things. Somehow, we must
deal with the pain and the sorrow and get past the misery of the
divorce and think about the future.
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Think about the reputation a
person has who fights long about a GET and doesn't settle, and how
that will act upon your future. You want a good name and a good
change at remarriage.
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Think of your children. Will
people want to marry the children of people who fought to dickens
about a Get?
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You may have friends who
urge you to settle, and you may get angry at them. These
friends are going to be asked by others interested in marrying you
and your children. Think about it.
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Gedolei hador have told me
that people in divorce must think about the future, especially their
children, and not fight to take revenge over past doings. The future
is the main thing, not the past. Get rid of this marriage and think
anew.
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This is not so easy. Find
someone who can encourage you to finish.
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Don't play ping pong. You
did this so I'll do that. Try to find outside people who will work
out a settlement about money and custody and any other issue. Then
finish up with a GET.
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The outside people who help
should stay on board after the GET to smooth things along. Divorced
people are not allowed to converse and discuss about children but
should work through a third party.
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Every community should have
people who are willing and able to perform this function. The
community should not just sit and watch people ruin their lives in
anger and misery.
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The Shulchan Aruch in
beginning of Even HoEzer says that anyone who is not active in
"being fruitful and multiply" is "like a murderer, drives the
Schechina from Israel, and diminishes people created in the divine
image."
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Living alone is not natural
and is not Torah-dik. People need marriage. "The world was not
created to be empty, but to be populated."
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"It is not good for a man to
be alone." The rabbis tell us that "not good" means "bad." Anger and
maybe even a few dollars is a poor excuse for not divorcing and
going on with life.
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Reb Yehuda the Chosid one of
the great rishonim and Kabbalists, a key in the chain of Torah from
Sinai, teaches that one who torments his spouse by showing power
will be upon death put into an animal and tortured.